Its finally happening

In the last entry I did mention about a guy that I secretly crushed on.. And today, 5 April, we had lunch together.. Accidentally I can say.. Everything that happened today terjadi tanpa perancangan. I tak plan nak makan. Tapi I ikut juga hati keluar. Walaupun sorang. I tak nak makan kat KKIP tu.. Tapi I pergi juga. I rasa nak makan tapau jek. Tapi bila nampak dia, all of sudden semua yang I fikir, I lupa. I makan dengan dia.. I nak bayar, Tapi dia bayar dulu. I lost myself in him. I remember when my housemate, Fifi told me about his sister that happen to be in her group while in GEMS, that she is 'Anak Dato'.. So, If she is Anak Dato, then so does he.. I remember how I tried to ignore him. Not to talked to him.. It happened for a week. I terasa I sangat kerdil.. I takut I tak layak untuk dia.. I takut perbezaan ni akan jadi alasan dia nanti.. I takut masa tu nanti I dah madly in love dengan dia.. Tapi hari ni, its like segalanya dirancang.. Mungkin rencana Allah. Mungkin ini jawapan dari Allah..

Bukan nama yang I cari. Bukan harta sebagai medium cinta I..
I cuma nak cinta dari seseorang yang boleh melengkapkan cinta I pada Allah dan Rasullulah.. Yang melengkapkan ketidaksempurnaan I.. Tapi I masih trauma dengan apa yang jadi 11 April 2011. I takut! Tapi apa pun ketentuanNya.. I redha.. I harap dia orangnya yang akan membuka hati I.. dan memadam kisah hitam yang menghantui I..

Dan bila hari itu tiba nanti, I harap hati I tak akan sangsi lagi.. I harap segalanya dipermudahkan buat I.. I harap hati akan terbuka luas untuk dia.. Its like throwing a dice.. Between Yes, No and Maybe!

Memperjudikan hati sekali lagi memang sangat berat.. Dicintai lebih mudah dari mencintai kan.. So, I dah penat! I pilih dicintai.. Siapa pun dia, I akan belajar mencintai dia, sebab masa tu nanti, dia adalah suami I.. Yang I dah berjanji akan setia dari mula dia membacakan taklik atas I, until I dibacakan talkin..


Sementara tu..

Autumn in Khatulistiwa..

Last few entry I ada mention pasal my Sr.Executive keep passing her work to me.. Well, as a trainee, I shouldn't say NO! Say, I layankan aje laa..

But u know what, she's fired! and last week, we had an interview.. for her post..
I'm suppose to be one of the candidates. But looking at the other candidates, way better than me, I withdrawn myself.. Knowingly yang I tak akan dapat.. But somehow, kalau dah rezeki tak ke mana kan.. Mel called me up.. She said our HOD wanted to see me. She offered me the position..
I know I'm supposed to be thankful. Tapi I takut I salah buat keputusan. What if I akan menyesal..
Macam mana pun I akan habiskan dulu apprenticeship I kat Ranhill. Only then I decide..

Nway, I've crush on the Chemist at my work! Dia seorang yang sangat biasa..
Tapi dia sangat cute bila dia speechless~ Awww!! Sweat sangaaaaaaat~
He may be the reason for me to stay..

The Song

-Elvis Costello-

She
May be the face I can't forget
The trace of pleasure or regret
May be my treasure or the price I have to pay
She
May be the song that summer sings
May be the chill that autumn brings
May be a hundred different things
Within the measure of a day

She
May be the beauty or the beast
May be the famine or the feast
May turn each day into a heaven or a hell
She may be the mirror of my dreams
The smile reflected in a stream
She may not be what she may seem
Inside her shell

She
Who always seems so happy in a crowd
Whose eyes can be so private and so proud
No one's allowed to see them when they cry
She
May be the love that cannot hope to last
May come to me from shadows of the past
That I'll remember till the day I die

She
May be the reason I survive
The why and wherefore I'm alive
The one I'll care for through the rough in ready years
Me
I'll take her laughter and her tears
And make them all my souvenirs
For where she goes I've got to be
The meaning of my life is

She
She, oh she..