mystified

I'm mystified..

After what we have been through together

After i gave my heart to a man who treated me like a queen for a first few months

and then all of sudden pulled me away..

It feels like i get caught in quicksand and find myself in an endless loop..

and I cant figure out how to pull myself out..

I spent so much time an energy beating myself up

over what I imagined I'd done wrong to push him away..

Or what I was lacking that wasn't keeping him at my side..

I became less-confidence and that's making me feel more needy than ever..

We all know what happens when we start feeling needy..

It makes me feels helpless and powerless..

Then, anything I do or say, regardless how much in control I tried,

I just radiates that needy, desperate vibe..

Thats just pushes him away even more..

I keep telling myself.. I dont want to be exclusive or be a girlfriend

to a man who hasn't committed himself to me fully..

I was wrong when i tried so hard to impress him,

not knowing that, all the dramas, pretending, chasing, manipulating and agendas

are just what makes him feel UNSAFE..

LOVE is not about the man,

but about making me happy in a brand new way

that just happened to GET me the greatest man around as a bonus..

Mis Petite said to me, its hurt being the one

who picking up every pieces of your broken heart, then put it back together..